im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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