i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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