Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
