new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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