hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
