she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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