He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
