Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
