My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
