You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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