Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
