Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I CAN MOONWALK!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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