I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
