I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
