Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
