For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
