Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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