Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
