Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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