Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
