Nicole vs. Life
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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