I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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