Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
