Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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