it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
