dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
