Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
