She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
