btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
