I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
