Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize