Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
