the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
