If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize