In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this beer tastes like vomit already
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
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I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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