I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
