you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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