hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
