Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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