About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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