Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize