sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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