WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
