Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
