I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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