bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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