Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize