i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
