You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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