Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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