Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
