I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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