i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
