Do you still have your period?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
