Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
