I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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