Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
